(via fuckyeahloldemort)
The bosses and everyone on my floor are gone for the day!
*blast Avicii*
*make snow angels on plush carpet in conference room*
*drink scotch and smoke at desk a la Don Draper*
The East
- Boyfriend: Wait, what do you mean Asia? I meant the East Coast.
- Me: Oh, oops. Whenever I hear "the East" I always interpret it as the Far East.
- BF - 1, FOB - 0
House of Imports”? That’s what I’m gonna call your house from now on.
—My Racist Boyfriend, upon reading my license plate holder
The rules of shotgun: the passenger seat is reserved for wives, girlfriends, and prostitutes.
—My Boyfriend
6 Months
- Me: Dude, happy belated 6 month-versary.
- Boyfriend: Oh shoot, was that yesterday?
- Me: Although technically that's just the anniversary of our first date, not of when we first met.
- BF: You don't even remember our first meet 'cause you were blacked out drunk. How about I celebrate our anniversary based on the day we first met, and you celebrate based on our first date.
- Me: Sounds good. Where are my flowers.
(Source: invisiblechange, via fuckyeahloldemort)
